My First Tattoo
/When I was 18 and a freshmen in college, flaunting our newfound independence some of my best high school girlfriends and I went out to a tattoo/piercing place. Two of them decided to get their first tattoos, the rest of us got random piercings, mine of course being the “tame” second earring hole. (Which now of course are probably completely closed up because I never wear anything in them. Heck, I hardly ever wear earrings in my primary holes!)
I was in awe of my friends’ ability to throw caution to the wind and put something permanently on their bodies. (which they loved and totally didn't regret) But I really didn’t know who I was back then, and there was nothing that felt like it was something that I’d be okay with being indelibly inked on my body.
Fast forward to now, 10 years later, on my 28th birthday, today I got my first tattoo.
As I’ve written about before on this blog, I had a complete mental breakdown when I went off of birth control. I was anxious all the time, could barely leave the house and was having panic attacks that literally led me to stop functioning and quit my job. It was scary. At times, literally all I could do to get through the day was remind myself to breathe. My psychiatrist suggested I try the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program. Shortly after quitting my job and getting pregnant with Clare, I took the program. It was a huge game changer for me. It was uncomfortable and scary and trying to learn meditation in a group of strangers (while suffering morning sickness, mind you) seemed nearly impossible. I was terrified driving there the first day. But I did it, and it made a huge difference for me. After each session I was markedly calmer. I think that the breathing practices I learned in that program not only helped my anxiety, but helped allow me to have a natural birth with Clare and continue to allow me to manage whatever life hands me. (including the many trials of being a mother) I remind myself that I can always come back to concentrating on my breath. The symbol is the “OM” symbol which is a commonly used mantra in meditation and yoga chanting. Soon, on the opposite forearm I am going to get: be here now. because it didn't quite fit on this arm and we decided it looked cleaner with just breathe and the om symbol.
I can quite literally say that meditation and yoga and learning to just breathe have thoroughly changed my life over the past several years, and I wanted this to be a permanent reminder that I see daily on my arm, always reminding me to come back to now, and come back to the breath.
It hurt like hell, but I would definitely do it again. I see why people say the first tattoo is a gateway drug. :)
- I had read some articles recently that Mayim wrote about breastfeeding, so I decided to check this book out. I really enjoyed it. I think mainly because I liked how Mayim has a PhD in neuroscience and backed up her parenting choices with this knowledge. Considering we already parent with the majority of the attachment parenting tendencies in mind, it was major reinforcement for why we do things the way we do. More than "attachment parenting" it's really about INTUITIVE parenting. Doing what makes sense to you and not going against your instincts because perhaps society parents a little bit different than you do.
I love what she says about the need for night-time parenting, the benefits of co-sleeping, babywearing and breastfeeding, natural birth, etc. Check, check and check, all stuff that we agree with, do and will continue.
I'm also a big proponent of the Waldorf style education tenants and I appreciated her section on why we don't need to pressure our kids (and babies!) and she noted some resources on gentle discipline that I want to check out as well. Her discussion on sharing and why she doesn't force her kids to share really made sense to me also.
I don't see us trying the elimination communication method, and we do vaccinate, but seeing as those two things made of just a tiny fraction of the book and didn't at all feel preachy to me, it was all good.
All in all, great book, quick read. I enjoy reading parenting books that are more in this memoir style than in a 'how-to' type read. Makes them more relatable.
- I finished this two months ago and I already feel like I need to read it again. This book was so excellent and I feel it will be one I re-read many times. Clare is the epitome of the spirited child and I found myself highlighting half the book as I read. Definitely recommend to anyone else raising a spirited kiddo.
- I'm not really sure how I felt about this book. There were definitely some interesting parts of it. But sometimes his talk of consciousness got a bit too esoteric for me. It seems like his philosophy is that he doesn't like religions, except Buddhism is okay, but only some of it, and oh btw you should take psychedelic drugs. I did like the end where he said you can still have everything that religious dogma holds dear without having to follow one of those specific dogmas. Nothing says you can't have/do charity, community and believe in the contemplative life if you aren't of a specific religion. All in all, interesting read, but a bit scattered at times.
- I forgot just how dark Dark Places was since it had been a few years since I read it. I wanted to re-read it before the movie came out. It’s the second of Gillian Flynn’s three novels. About a young girl who’s family is murdered. I definitely look at it differently as a mom now.
- What a refreshing perspective. I 100% agree with his take on punishments. We have been against physical punishment from day 1, but seeing how he explains time-outs and other conventional punishment discipline techniques as "love withdrawls" and how damaging that can be really makes sense to me too. I think when it comes to praise, his logic definitely makes you consider the reasons behind why you are praising - ie are you doing it to get a certain outcome or are you just geniunely excited about something your child did. This is definitely something we will take into account as Clare gets older. We've tried to replace 'good job' with 'you did it!' a lot already. This approach is tough and very much not the mainstream of parenting. But it just all intuitively makes sense to me. I agree with my friend Mary that I would've liked more practical tips on top of the theories. Chris is reading it now and he's brought up parts of it that can relate to our own relationship and interactions also.
By Sarah Napthali - I really, really enjoyed this book. It was full of such practical, peaceful parenting advice. I literally felt calmer every time I would pick up the book. Buddhism has always attracted me and her combination of explaining Buddhism tenets wound into motherhood was just lovely. I am very much looking forward to reading her second book. Meditation and mindfulness has made a huge impact in my life over the last few years and this was a great supplement to that.
There are so many passages I liked, but particularly this one at the end:
"Buddhism treats you like an adult. It's not a religion. You don't need to believe anything unless it fits with your own personal experience. You use your judgement, inspired by wisdom and compassion rather than follow a set of sacred thou-shalts. Spiritual progress is your responsibility. You set the pace."
Impermanence. All is impermanent. Both the good and the bad. So much of this is true in motherhood and in life.
By Elisa Albert - Wow. This was such a good book. Albert's visceral, intense writing gave such an accurate, honest portrayal of how hard motherhood can be a times. The main character very clearly struggled with postpartum depression during her son's first year, and I think it's really refreshing to have someone be honest about the hard parts. Some of her descriptions were so spot on, I kept taking pictures of the library book and texting them to Chris while I was reading it.
By Gretchen Rubin - I really enjoyed this book. It gave me new insight into my habit formation and what works for my particular type of person. It also made me realize why it's different for others who fall into the other 3 types. I am an upholder, like the author, which is more rare. I am also a lark and a moderator (do better early morning and am more apt to moderate something than to completely eliminate it.) I think I am typically a marathoner when it comes to habits and goals, but occasionally I do well with the quick spurts. Worth the read. And I’ve also enjoyed listening to her podcast, Happier, recently.
By Bunmi Laditan – I thought I was going to like this a lot more than I actually did. There were a lot of things she wrote about that were hilarious and that I could totally relate to. But there was a healthy dose of mom shaming that I wasn't down with. Luckily it was a super fast read that I finished in the span of a couple days.
By Emily St. John Mandel - Excellent novel. So different than anything else I’ve read. I loved the storyline of rebuilding after a horrible flu wipes out most of the world. Characters felt so real and well drawn. And I liked their subtle connections between characters. One of the best novels I’ve read this year.
By Daniel J Siegel - There were some helpful things in this book, and some that I needed to think about for myself more than for my daughter right now because she's so young. It did seem a bit repetitive. The concepts could have probably been dispelled into a rather long blog post.
By Thich Nhat Hanh and Dr. Lilian Cheung- I enjoyed many of the principles here, but it got a bit repetitive toward the end. Definitely made me think about food from a more mindful perspective. 
By Karen Le Billon - I really liked this book. The French have such a lovely approach to food. Pleasure, not calorie counting. Variety, no snacking, and no "bad foods." I so wish our American food culture mirrored how the French see things. Kids there get 2 HOUR hot lunches where everyone eats the same thing and learns a ton about food from a very young age. While a lot of it is stuff that doesn't necessarily translate in American culture and I don't at all agree with the French view on breastfeeding (neither does the author!) I definitely picked up tips that we can use with our kids I'm looking forward to reading her other book "Getting to Yum" next.
