Some Reflecting and my 21 for 2021

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I wrote this post in the week before the insurrection at the Capitol so I just haven’t posted it for this last week. Now on Innauguration’s eve - it almost feels like a 2nd New Year’s Eve and hopefully the dawning of a new era, as we pick up the pieces of the Trump presidency and examine all that it brought to light. Here’s hoping to brighter days…

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2020 sure was a year, eh? 

I think I - like so many others - will spend many months and years processing what we just all went through.  And are STILL going through.  I wish I thought that we would turn the calendar page and all of a sudden magically things would be back to “normal.”  But of course there is no normal anymore.  2020 shook up the snow globe of our lives and as the snow settles, so many things are left irrevocably changed. We are left standing with some people by our sides forever and ever, and others that have completely obscured from view, living in their own snow globe life on what sometimes feels like another planet.

That fact has been both heartbreaking and liberating. 

If I’ve learned anything this past year, it’s that I have little control over almost anything. So focusing on what I DO have control over is key in my not spiraling. Whenever I would spin out on the goings on in the world, our abominable president, systemic racism, and so many other of the innumerable horrible things that happened this last year, my psychiatrist would remind me that that usually meant I wasn’t taking care of myself enough and that I was also feeling out of control in my immediate sphere.  I can’t control what fresh new hell Trump is/ WAS tweeting about, or how many people chose their own selfishness and arrogance over the health and safety of others, but I CAN control if I go to bed early enough and stop the doom scroll.  

And of course that doesn’t mean I didn’t  take - and continue to take - the work, both on a personal and collective level, very seriously - getting out the vote, incorporating my own reflection on unpacking my own complicity in white supremacy, prioritizing anti-racism work in myself and my community, etc - but it means the Both/And of both taking tangible action (not just screaming into the void) and then remembering to come back to myself. Over and over again.  Being in Tiffany Han’s coaching program throughout all of this has been so important to that reminder of coming back to myself.  

In a lot of ways, having the business to focus on and continue innovating, pivoting and working on has also been a protection from spiraling for me.  Having this community that I love dearly and feel a responsibility to protect and grow has allowed me to keep trying new things to keep it going.  It certainly hasn’t kept the anxiety that we are a few steps away from plummeting off a cliff - away, but having something to work toward and to work for, has kept depression more at bay than I think it would have otherwise.

My word for 2020 was Discernment.

And man if 2020 didn’t force discernment - stripping down to just the essentials, in activity, in work, and in people that I spend my time and energy with.  So much that I can never un-see. I learned to be more clear about what is okay and what isn’t okay, where my boundaries are and how I want to show up. And like all of my past words of the year (2019 was Pause, 2018 was Whole, 2017 was Allow, 2016 was Enough and 2015 was Presence), the energy of Discernment will linger and bleed over.

My word for 2021 is Soften. 

So much of this last year was spent gripping and tightening and grasping and pushing to just figure it out, pivot again, do more, make it work, etc, etc. That the energy that I’m really going to need in 2021 is going to be the opposite. Softening in how I approach work, my body and this Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis and how much I’m capable of doing in any day/week/month. Softening in my ability to respond instead of react. Softening in giving myself grace when I don’t do “everything perfectly” or when I feel physically shitty so the kindest thing I can do for myself is go to bed instead of just answer one more email.

But softening doesn’t mean no goals. It doesn’t mean having no direction for this year. It means being flexible and able to bend and shift and change as things show up over the course of the year. It’s all about the Both/And. Showing up for myself and controlling what I CAN control.

I am again participating in Gretchen Rubin’s yearly project where you pick 21 things you want to do or get done in 2021. Some big, some small.

My 21 for 2021

The Habits:

  1. Walk 21 Min Daily - Last year Gretchen Rubin did a walk 20 in 20 challenge, so I am adopting this for 2021. I’m 18 for 18 days so far! I’m SURE there will be days that I miss, but that’s okay, soften. More days than not will be good for me, both physically and mentally.

  2. Read 21 Min Daily - This is actually pretty easy for me, since the kids take forever to go to sleep and I am usually reading when I am with them. But often I’ll bounce between social media and my book and I am using the Forest App to make myself concentrate on only the reading for the 21 minutes, minimum. The Kindle Oasis with this case has been a game changer for ergonomically reading with one hand. Anything that helps the RA is crucial.

  3. Regular Digital Sabbath - I am not sure what this looks like yet. I know that I need to set better boundaries around social media, but that it is also something I rely on for my business and work with Sutter. So I think part of it is daily boundaries, but a bigger part is taking regular weekly/monthly/quarterly breaks. I just haven’t figured out quite yet what this will look like.

The Tangibles:

4. 21 Live Shows in 2021 - I am believing that this is possible. Currently Marcie and I have 16 rescheduled and already paid for shows from June - Dec 2021…so adding 5 doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility. And if some of those in early summer get rescheduled again…well seeing shows “live” online can count too.

5. Get rid of 2,021 Things - This was one from my coach/mentor Tiffany. It seems like a lot…but I can think of probably 50 things in our bathroom alone that we need to get rid of. These don’t have to be big things. We live in 700 square feet. We can ALWAYS get rid of more.

6. Take a course on the Enneagram - I loved the advanced birth story medicine course I did in 2020 that incorporated enneagram. I would love to dive more into it this year to be able to incorporate into my various modalities.

7. Read 25 Books - I did this in 2020, so I am hoping it’s doable again. Maybe I’ll even surpass it if I cut the social media at bed time. I don’t watch TV. Except Grey’s Anatomy. That’s how I’m capable of this goal on top of running a business and two little kids.

8. Go overnight by myself somewhere...maybe twice? - I need this. I’ve never left Buggie, but she’s 3 in April. I’m ready.

9. Go overnight with Chris somewhere - see above. The last time we went somewhere alone for a night was December 2017 when I was pregnant with Buggie.

10. Get art for above the couch - Been meaning to do this forEVER. But never have found quite the right thing.

11. Make a “Go” Bag - with all of the fires these last years, disasters, covid, all of it - we’ve been needing to have an emergency bag put together. Hopefully this will be the year I make it happen.

12. Try one new recipe each week and actually keep track of the ones we like - I am terrible at the “what was that one recipe we tried a year ago out of that magazine that we liked? Got a few cookbooks for Christmas, and I’m hoping to make this a habit and have 52 recipes I like at the end of the year. So far it’s been a ginger/carrot soup and a new chocolate chip cookie recipe. Ha.

The Un-Tangibles

13. Find my way back to a yoga practice that feels authentic and joyful. I’ve spent the last almost 3 years unraveling the cult-like mentality of the studio where I did my training and where I was so intertwined. It’s been painful and sad and confusing to both recognize all of the good that I gleaned from that place, becoming a teacher, the friendships I gained, the growth, along with all of the really gross bad parts of the cult. In that time since, I’ve not really done much of a yoga practice - just for me - sure I teach, but it’s not the same as having a true practice of my own. I’m hoping to come back to that and find the path that works for ME. As a part of this - reading “Meditations from The Mat” Daily in the Morning - One of my teachers and friends, Jess, has mentioned this book in classes, so it’s something that bought over the summer. Also digging into my A Yogic Path oracle cards and a guided journaling book called “Living the Sutras.”

14. Rewatch some favorite movies - I’ve been wanting to rewatch movies that bring me joy lately and I just haven’t made the time to do it. Partially because some couldn’t be while Clare is awake. But I’d like to take the time to do that. I need more laughter. Also it’s so crazy to think I haven’t been in a movie theater in a year.

15. Get Better at Cooking Fish - I love fish…it helps with inflammation and I also almost never cook it at home.

16. Figure out a simple but effective system for meal planning & grocery shopping - This is SUCH a pain point. Partially because our schedules are so whackadoo but I would like to get better at planning ahead with this….having our prewritten grocery lists that are easy to add to and not feel like we are always forgetting something.

17. Complete photo albums and figure out a monthly system that works to not have them pile up - Once I bought the business my photo album skills went out the window. I am slowly working on a 2020 one on the Project Life App. I need to just set the time aside to work on it, and also start off 2021 making folders of pictures at the end of each month so that it’s easier. And then someday the lost year of 2019 I will work on again. Ha.

18. Create a Kid-Proof Morning Routine - I am a happier person if I can get up before the kids and have some time to myself. I also need sleep to function. Striking this balance has been really challenging this last year. Sometime in 2019 I did the Morning Sidekick Journal and that helped get me into a good rhythm - so I’ve started doing that again with our monthly courage challenge for my coaching program in January. I think part of it will be 1) not getting on email or social media or news before I’ve done it and 2) grace for myself on the days Chris isn’t home and it has to look a bit different with the kids. Which right now is a lot of days. Reading something uplifting, Checking in on my Silk & Sonder planner and priorities for the day, a tarot card - would also like to get in the habit of the lemon water and other Ayurvedic morning rituals.

19. More Nature - There are entire days where I don’t set foot outside. And I always feel better when I do.

20. Take up a new creative hobby - My astrology this year is all about creativity. I’ve dabbled in things here and there over the years, but I really want to make the time for doing creative projects that just feel good and aren’t for some specific goal-oriented / career-oriented reason.

21. Create better structure around the “must do” jobs for the business so that I can spend more time creating new programs and offerings that fuel me and bring me joy - so much of my life and work feels so scattered and I feel constantly behind on the must dos so I rarely have time for the creativity and joy that I get out of the rest of my job, creating new offerings, working with families. More structure will ultimately lead to more freedom, so this may be #21 but it’s definitely high on the list of priorities.

That’s it. Do you make a list like this at the start of the year? Do you pick a word for the year?

Here’s to more flexibility and creativity within structure and boundaries and a whole heaping blanket of softening and grace as we move through this Pandemic Year 2 and whatever is in store for us in 2021.